Self-discovery and expression through poetry

If I only write about banal business things I might just go crazy.

Is 37 the age for getting extra existential? Probably not. But existential + angst has been my vibe lately. >_<

The truth is, I have always been pretty existential, which is why, at my roots, I am creative. It can be challenging to balance my creative side (think crazy at times tortured artist vibes) with my strategic businesswoman side. But then again, the intersection of these two worlds has helped me carve out a unique entrepreneurial path.

When I was 11 and asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I replied as any precocious child would “I would like to be a copy editor in NYC.”

Hmm. So my mother, an adjunct professor and part-time insurance broker (and full-time psychoanalyzer thanks to inherent neuroses and a Masters in Psychology) put me in touch with her high school friend who did exactly that—copy editing (and in NYC!).

It was not a particularly exciting conversation, and two years later, despite severe shyness, I determined a path in acting would be the way to go. And so that was the beginning of diving into my journey that would drive me out of my small town, Hagerstown, Maryland, to Los Angeles, CA, to pursue my acting career (and let me tell you, a ton of other things happened in between.)

Through the years, beginning as a teenager, I have written poetry. While I love writing longer-form fiction, essays, interviews, etc., there is a special magic about poetry. Like abstract artists can find catharsis via pieces that, to many others, may make no sense or look like paint splotches on canvas, encapsulating my feelings line by line is something special.

So here on Substack, I will be unashamed to share my poetry and other life reflections. This will be an entrepreneurial corner that dives deeper into me—I can’t only write educational business content. I enjoy it, but being in that mode exclusively or almost exclusively has made me feel a little crazy lately.

If I brand this Substack as “unfiltered,” I need to be unfiltered for real (well, 98% anyway, haha).

So, with that said, here’s a poem I wrote tonight reflecting on my journey out of Hagerstown, Maryland, as a teenager by myself to the West Coast, along with diving into themes of transformation and nostalgia.

Whirls of Becoming

Spinning, spinning, spinning,

Back in time, where it all began,

A small-town girl amidst cornfields and strip malls,

Fast-forwarded through life to towering palms and curious glances.

Seventeen, then twenty-seven, now ten years later

A business owner—still

In the whirls of work—-rushing,

A stew of everything, indescribable—only feelings.

A cocktail of sadness, nostalgia, and hope,

I used to dance late into the night,

My mind dissolving into the sensation,

Two drinks, plus three, liberating.

Achieving, always in the daylight,

The relentless pursuit of something more,

A life lived in the fast lane,

A journey from simplicity to complexity---                                                                                                                      Spinning

I think I continue making an effort to write more.